your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
