I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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