Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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