everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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