My liver just broke up with me...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
