Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
