Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
