i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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