My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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