At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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