Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
