Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
