with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
