Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
