im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
