so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
