I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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