The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
