It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
