I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
