i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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