is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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