Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
