This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
