So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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