dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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