Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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