Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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