You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
