is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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