Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
