Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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