HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
