Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
