please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
