so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
