i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
two words: eviction party
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
