dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
