this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My ass is underappreciated
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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