I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my phone needs a breathalizer
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Randomize
