i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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