He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
