his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
