Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
