if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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