I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
