I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
