you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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