he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
