Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
