i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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