i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
