Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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