Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
