Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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