im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
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So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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