so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
