I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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