So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
