Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
