where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
where am i from again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
