you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
