I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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