DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
