one two three fourrrrnication!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
