OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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