We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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