Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
