If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
