he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
