your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
