i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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