its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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