I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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