Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
